A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. . .

Alright. Enough.

Single parenting is not the end of the world. It is beautiful, amazing, fabulous, and educational. I love being a mommy. What I do not love, is being someone else’s mommy.

Which brings me into the subject of dating.

Let me break this down for you, and I will try to be as classy as I can given my unsettled depreciation for the male gender at the moment.

-                     I know that, as hard as it is to comprehend for the male species for some reason, calling a woman beautiful is old school and highly out-dated … but, HOT and FINE, remind me that you are precisely the reason there are so many single women in this world. The fact that you think I have no baby damage, absolutely flatters me, do not get me wrong, I am blushing. Honey, if you want my attention then broaden your vocabulary.

-                     Please, do not call me any of the following and in no particular order, and then ask me why I didn’t respond to you.

-Mom
-Mommy
-Ma

-                     I will not, even if you have children, find any of the above aforementioned nicknames adorable or precious, and I will not, under any circumstances, call you daddy. Are you high?

-                     Texting. I love it. Please, understand that phone calls are extremely time consuming. Early morning calls, have you seen me pre coffee, while trying to maintain my balance walking up and down the stairs getting all three of us ready to leave our apartment? Late night calls, look, insomnia is stress induced in my case, but when I am sleeping, and you do wake me up because you just called me four times in a row … do you seriously expect me to not FLY off IF you are lucky enough for me to answer? Come on bro. I spend most of my day on either the phone or talking to children, and you get pissed when I hit the bitch button, really? Entertain me. Please.

-                     Do not expect to meet my kids right off. This is the biggest reason I have chosen not to date over half of the suitors I have had. I call it the “Triple Whammy Break” .. I have dealt first hand in this, and personally, after the second go-around, I’ve just pushed it off as something I never want to experience again. You get to know me, I develop emotions, and my children become involved… It turns into this huge mess when I begin to want to throat punch you over something incredibly ridiculous that you keep repeating in your behavioral habits. As blunt as it is, I bore too easily and I do not feel like explaining where you disappeared to or why you left. End of story.

-                     Let me set the scene... Out with friends, approached with Prince Charming Potential #123909324098, conversation begins to dwindle… DO NOT DO IT! DON’T YOU DARE ASK IT. I refuse to discuss the whole baby daddy drama with you. You do not need to know who my ex-husband is, why we got divorced, if we still speak or if my kids visit him for that matter. HOW is that any of your concern?

-                     If I feel like you are worthy of meeting my children, then we will get there. . . You will not use my children to get any closer to me than I choose you to be. I have been there, just back off ahead of time and save yourself the “come to Jesus meeting” … Please.

-                     Listen. If we make it to the dating level. My dealings with the father of my children are mine. I find it incredibly rude and inappropriately demeaning to him to bring anyone else into dealing with the matters of our children, inclusive of dropping off and picking them up. While I realize that this is 2013, and times have changed … blah, blah, blah … the bottom line remains that this is MY business, and if you cannot accept that there are certain aspects of my life, that will forever remain MY LIFE while allowing you to have your own individuality, then we’re both wasting our time. If you have a “baby mama” and you expect me to crash head first into dealing with another woman in regards to her children, please remember, I have my own – and I am far from stupid.

-                     Hiring a baby sitter is increasingly expensive when budgeting into a single-family household. In order to go out on a date with you I have to know the three following things:

- What time we are leaving?
- How far away are we traveling?
- What time will we be home?

-                     If I ignore your calls and texts repetitively and then you see me in public and expect me to speak, understand that I am a lady, I was raised hospitably, and I will … Post break-up, this means that I care about your well being. At no point in our conversation did I say begin to call and text me again. Stop it. You are embarrassing yourself.

Bottom line guys. Think it through. No one asked you to play Rent-A-Daddy or take on unnecessary expenditures. In the life of a single mother, there is not a single chance in hell that you will ever rank number one on her scale of worthy people, because it will always be her children. If you did once to a mom like that, she was not woman enough to be accepting of the blessings before her, which was her decision. Have respect for the woman, understand that she has priorities and do your best to make her feel as wonderful you possibly can given the circumstances that you have to work with and are getting in return.