*like dayum baby, dayum baby, dayuuummm*

** Now seeking : Part - Time Boyfriend -- See Below for Details **

Exclusionary Information -- PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!
Please do not bother submitting this form if any of the following apply to you:

- You are currently unemployed or working part time under the table
- You haven't traced your family tree
- You live with your parents
- You find it acceptable to phone past  11 P.M. and before 5 A.M.
- You are currently discussing a relationship with any  other female
- You have a spouse or a significant other
- You do not have a car
- You have no patience with children
- You cannot tolerate sarcasm or mood swings
- You have man mood swings w/ the inability to control them by being quite and not bitching
- You are located primarily more than 20 miles outside of Andalusia, Alabama
- You have any form of an uncurable STD -- or any form of STD in the past
- You don't believe in time travel or chivalry
- You have a criminal history or drug addition, be it now or in the past
- You have dated one of my friends
*** Friends are defined as people I actually like hanging out with and haven't blatantly lied to my face at any point in the past.

Section One: Contact Information
Full Name:
Address:
Phone Number:
Email:

Section Two: Employment and Education
What is your job title?:
In your own words, describe  your job.:
Where is your office located?:
What days a week do you work?:
How many hours a week do you work?:
Do you currently have a college degree?:
If no, why not?:

Section Three: Cleanliness Habits
How many days is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink?:
How many times a month do you vacuum?:
How many times a month do you do laundry?:
How many times a week do you shower?:
When you shave, do you immediately clean up the little hairs and/or tub?:
Is next to the bed an acceptable place to put your clothes before you go to sleep?:

Section Four: Family
How many times a month do you see your parents?:
Do you have any siblings?:
If yes, how many times a month do you see your siblings?:
Does your family have any deep, dark, secrets that weigh on your soul?:
If yes, are you currently in therapy?:

Section Five: Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
If you were living with me, how many times a week should be having sex?:
Please provide, in detail, the most exciting sexual activity of your life thus far:
How often do you drink?:
Are you a smoker?:
If yes, how many packs a week?:
Are you currently addicted to anything?:
What are your five favorite bands?:
What are your five favorite songs?:
Tell me, in detail, about your favorite musical memory:

Section Six: Free Form Essay
This section provides an essay question for me to get a sense of the kind of person you are, as well as your writing ability. This can be done as an attachment if necessary. Please answer both questions:
Why did your last relationship end? Be honest, it's a small town!:
What is your survival plan for the impending zombie apocalypse? Please stop here if sacrificing the children is on your agenda. :

Section Seven: Qualifications
This section consists of yes or no questions. There are no correct answers, but please, due to the leanancy of this portion, be entirely honest with your answers.
Do you smack when you eat?
Do you end your relationships on good terms?
Do you watch Nascar?
College Football?
Professional Football?
Do you know how to be quite when the game is on?
Do you  snore?
If I ask you what is wrong, will you not be a woman about it, and just tell me what it is?
Are you easily distracted by shiny things?

Section Eight: FreeStyle
List any qualifications  you  possess that you feel make you the proper fit for the listed position, you are allowed four sentences to complete this task. :





Section Nine: References
Please provide six references. Three of them must be verifiable ex-girlfriends, the other two may not be family members, and I'll need the last one to be your high school principal. Include contact information for them including but not limited to: Email, phone number, and Facebook page.

Thank you, and if you have any questions, don’t bother contacting me because that will also exclude you. Have a great day!