Not really. I'm only kidding. I promise.
There are some things in this life that no matter how many times I experience, I will never completely understand.
Things like:
-Why I always seem to leave my window down when it rains, and only when it rains.
-Pregnant women going to bars.
-Every family package to anything is geared around families of four. Seriously, what are the statistics for single parents versus four member households. Shit is not cool folks.
-Why people seem to think I enjoy being a bridesmaid, and better yet, why they always seem to alley-oop the bouquet in my direction. You people seriously make me have a weight complex. Am I that big?! smdh.
-I seriously wish Subway delivered.
-Software updates that require computer restarts and running the same number of tabs in Firefox as I have thoughts circling my brain.
-Running out of conditioner before I do shampoo. Flippin' how!!?
-Unhackable wifi passwords. This seriously pisses me off. Not sure why, it just does.
-Running out of dip before I run out of chips, and then, if I open a new container of dip, I'm out of chips and in the same position next time.
-Speaking of chips, my kids ALWAYS steal and HIDE the cheese puffs. Please tell me I'm not alone.
-Losing my damned phone, and on the rarity of occasions that it is actually lost, it never fails, that bitch is on silent mode. Always.
-It never fails, I'll be turning the cold water up and twist the knob the wrong way and scald myself.
-Why does my son absolutely have to put his feet in my face right at the exact moment that I'm crashing out?
-Bad eyesight and my refusal to stick my finger in my eye to place a contact lens. Leave my glasses on my nightstand, realize it as I'm cranking the truck and being too lazy to walk all the way back upstairs... so guess who gets to squint the whole day through?
-Am I the only one who always cuts themselves shaving and then puts the band aid on too tight?
-The concept of blood in general. Most people it grosses out, me it actually causes to faint. Nice huh?
-Children and sugar rushes. Adults and red bull.
-Mornings with nothing to do wake up before the alarm, mornings with a to-do list that would horrify Richard Simmons - oversleep like Rip Van Winkle.
-9 hour work days and 7 hour school days. Hello parenting complications.
-Men who talk to two women or more at once. Seriously. If she's not that entertaining to you, tell her. Someone out there is looking for her.
-Now that I think about it, men in general.
-Why there are so many options for sanitary napkins and such of that nature. Please, my adhd doesn't allow me to focus to read all about that when I shop. It's torture.
-Hypocrites. Just tell me how you feel based on what you do. It's not rocket science.
-People that harp on one thing over and over and over and over and over and over. SHUT YOUR FACE ALREADY. I heard you the first 29873219378 times you told me. Geez.
-Did I mention unhackable wifi passwords...
-Mothers and fathers that don't spank their children. You don't have to beat them to make a point. A good firm tap or five will do the trick. They'll respect you more later.
-Speaking of, parents who don't scold their children in public. . . What drugs are you on woman? Way too calm.
-Being so exhausted that I lay down for just a few minutes at night only to realize that the kids are already in bed and I can now get there too, but I've gotten so comfortable that I don't want to get up and cut the lights off.
** My biggest pet peeve in life is as follows:
***drumroll please!
-Almost finally giving a damned, you making me realize I shouldn't bother.
:)
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