I have this desire to sit down, and literally bawl my eyes out somedays.
I'm far from alone. Wonderful children, darling friends, loving family, and an amazing group of supporters through work, I should consider myself the luckiest person in the world. Not everyone has these people in their lives, not as avidly as I do. I can't even begin to imagin this life without these people. It would be catastrophic and tragic.
Magical. Enchanting. Like a bad musical, with a perfect story line... It is mine.
He texted again yesterday. Just like he does everyday. I've gotten accustomed to them. Actually, grown quite fond of the "Bazinga" coming through at an odd evening moment, somehow always making me smile. Yesterday though, yesterday got me.
I've been battling this "lonely phase" for about a month now. It's beyond going out, it's beyond company from friends. It's slightly soothed by a movie with the children, which, RedBox is benefitting immensely from.... It's just, that time. It's time to try again.
That's why the conversation turn, took me for a turn.
"Aye my girl. Are you still awake?"
"Yes and no. What are you up to?"
"Just getting home. Feeling lonely!"
"Been like that the past few days. Kinda sucks a lil'. Did you have a good day?"
"Yea, good. At the new office, setting things up."
"Well good!"
"Still, lonely though. lol"
"Yes sir, very much so. You wouldn't believe how bad it's been kicking my ass."
"I can understand why."
Conversation faded with my use of vocabulary and his misunderstanding, thankfully.
The concept still remains.
All the physological research of the matter expresses, is finding contentment within yourself, only then can you be happy with another person - sweetly explained - we should be able to complete ourselves and not be dependant upon others. . .
Have you ever seen a puppy or a bunny playing with playmates?
Once they're isolated from the other, even though they don't mate, they become secluded within their own settings, to people and to other animals.
I'm not comparing myself to a dog or a bunny. I'm just saying, I think it's in our nature to enjoy the company of others, especially once we grow accustomed to regular intervals of interactions. I think it's possible that it may have the same psychological effect on us as it does on them.
In the mean time, I'll keep my ears in my music and my hands busy with my writing, I'm just ready to shake this down-n-out emotion. It's too much for me.
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