A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. . .

Alright. Enough.

Single parenting is not the end of the world. It is beautiful, amazing, fabulous, and educational. I love being a mommy. What I do not love, is being someone else’s mommy.

Which brings me into the subject of dating.

Let me break this down for you, and I will try to be as classy as I can given my unsettled depreciation for the male gender at the moment.

-                     I know that, as hard as it is to comprehend for the male species for some reason, calling a woman beautiful is old school and highly out-dated … but, HOT and FINE, remind me that you are precisely the reason there are so many single women in this world. The fact that you think I have no baby damage, absolutely flatters me, do not get me wrong, I am blushing. Honey, if you want my attention then broaden your vocabulary.

-                     Please, do not call me any of the following and in no particular order, and then ask me why I didn’t respond to you.

-Mom
-Mommy
-Ma

-                     I will not, even if you have children, find any of the above aforementioned nicknames adorable or precious, and I will not, under any circumstances, call you daddy. Are you high?

-                     Texting. I love it. Please, understand that phone calls are extremely time consuming. Early morning calls, have you seen me pre coffee, while trying to maintain my balance walking up and down the stairs getting all three of us ready to leave our apartment? Late night calls, look, insomnia is stress induced in my case, but when I am sleeping, and you do wake me up because you just called me four times in a row … do you seriously expect me to not FLY off IF you are lucky enough for me to answer? Come on bro. I spend most of my day on either the phone or talking to children, and you get pissed when I hit the bitch button, really? Entertain me. Please.

-                     Do not expect to meet my kids right off. This is the biggest reason I have chosen not to date over half of the suitors I have had. I call it the “Triple Whammy Break” .. I have dealt first hand in this, and personally, after the second go-around, I’ve just pushed it off as something I never want to experience again. You get to know me, I develop emotions, and my children become involved… It turns into this huge mess when I begin to want to throat punch you over something incredibly ridiculous that you keep repeating in your behavioral habits. As blunt as it is, I bore too easily and I do not feel like explaining where you disappeared to or why you left. End of story.

-                     Let me set the scene... Out with friends, approached with Prince Charming Potential #123909324098, conversation begins to dwindle… DO NOT DO IT! DON’T YOU DARE ASK IT. I refuse to discuss the whole baby daddy drama with you. You do not need to know who my ex-husband is, why we got divorced, if we still speak or if my kids visit him for that matter. HOW is that any of your concern?

-                     If I feel like you are worthy of meeting my children, then we will get there. . . You will not use my children to get any closer to me than I choose you to be. I have been there, just back off ahead of time and save yourself the “come to Jesus meeting” … Please.

-                     Listen. If we make it to the dating level. My dealings with the father of my children are mine. I find it incredibly rude and inappropriately demeaning to him to bring anyone else into dealing with the matters of our children, inclusive of dropping off and picking them up. While I realize that this is 2013, and times have changed … blah, blah, blah … the bottom line remains that this is MY business, and if you cannot accept that there are certain aspects of my life, that will forever remain MY LIFE while allowing you to have your own individuality, then we’re both wasting our time. If you have a “baby mama” and you expect me to crash head first into dealing with another woman in regards to her children, please remember, I have my own – and I am far from stupid.

-                     Hiring a baby sitter is increasingly expensive when budgeting into a single-family household. In order to go out on a date with you I have to know the three following things:

- What time we are leaving?
- How far away are we traveling?
- What time will we be home?

-                     If I ignore your calls and texts repetitively and then you see me in public and expect me to speak, understand that I am a lady, I was raised hospitably, and I will … Post break-up, this means that I care about your well being. At no point in our conversation did I say begin to call and text me again. Stop it. You are embarrassing yourself.

Bottom line guys. Think it through. No one asked you to play Rent-A-Daddy or take on unnecessary expenditures. In the life of a single mother, there is not a single chance in hell that you will ever rank number one on her scale of worthy people, because it will always be her children. If you did once to a mom like that, she was not woman enough to be accepting of the blessings before her, which was her decision. Have respect for the woman, understand that she has priorities and do your best to make her feel as wonderful you possibly can given the circumstances that you have to work with and are getting in return.

and the rest don't know how to screw you...

You learn.
To smile.
To stop the tears.
To hold onto the importance.
and to let go of the fears.

You learn.
Sometimes it was stupid.
Sometimes it was absurd.
Sometimes it was worth it.
and sometimes your point was heard.

You learn.
When to speak up.
When to sit down.
When to let go.
and when to hold on.

You learn.
That caring is a good thing.
That loving is a hard road.
That nothing comes easy.
and that everyday is a new chance.

You learn.
You laugh.
You love.
and you continue to live.

You learn.
Nothing can break you all of the time.
Nothing always becomes something.

You learn.
Somethings are better out of your life.
Somethings just are not meant to be planned.
Somethings always go right.
and somethings are worth putting up the fight.

You learn.
To never stop learning.
To never stop dreaming.
To never stop holding on.
and never stop letting go.

But the most important thing of all...
Is that you never stop learning.

The good ones screw you, bad ones screw you...

Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something missing. 
Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch. 
Noah: Would you just stay with me? 
Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin' 
Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. 
Allie: So what? 
Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out. 
Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt. 
Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT? 
Allie: It's not that simple. 
Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?

I hate shoes and usually wear flip flops or nothing at all.
I listen to music 22 hours of the day.
The saddest songs make the most sense to me.
I am not the skinniest girl in the world. 
I'm broken and at my worst time I was pretty much beyond repair.
I love my children, more than I love anything else. Period.
I am an amazing speller- and I love poems.
I will study for 8 hours if it means I'll ace a quiz.
My pen is my best friend
I refuse to let someone make me cry.

I am the clumsiest person you will ever meet.
According to my society, my hips are too wide,
And I'm below average in height.
I love horror // slasher movies, but I can't watch them alone.
I am really gullible and overly concerned with other people and their well being.

and people find that entertaining.
I am happiest on the beach and
I love sticky skin after a day in salt water.
I don't take any medicine like I should.
I like the feeling of being extremely chilled out.
I laugh really loud sometimes.
I talk really loud sometimes.
I believe in peace.
I get cold pretty easily.
I have a DVD collection mainly consisting of guy stuff.
I love awkward situations.
I drink enough coffee that it's threatening to my health.
My complexion isn't even and sometimes I break out.
I wish could fall asleep at 10pm every night.
I wake up by 7am every morning, or later.
My blood pressure goes skyy high when I get emotional.
I rarely machine dry my hoodies.
I wash my bed sheets twice a week.
I love water.
Serial killers fascinate me.
The smell of band-aids make me gag.
I get along so much better with males, just because of interests.
I hate surprises.
I have a secret desire to tell more people to shut up more often.
I write because it gives weight to my thoughts.
I think about my appearance probably every 5 minutes, or more.
I can't stay in the same place for too long, sitting still annoys me.
I still live in my childhood home, with my kids.
I forget its rude to text while I am with other people.
My life is taking a major change of direction, and for the first time ever,

I find comfort in it.
Sometimes I'm bitter and cold to people who mean the most to me.
I wish I could meet everyone. I bet they have good stories.
I love being barefoot, it's orgasmic to feel the grass under my skin.

I don't go to church nearly as often as I should.
Yet, I still pray daily. There's no excuse for that.
I skip meals everyday on accident usually.
I hate eating after 6 clock.
I like my jeans with tears.
I wonder about a lot of things.
I love airplanes.
I have a huge problem with taking two showers a day.
I am a criminal justice major, but all I really want in life,
Is to open a coffee house.
I'm a sucker for a good love story.
I bite my nails. A lot.
I love to run, it's the only time I actually feel like I'm breathing.
I have no patience for stupid people.
I enjoy sushi and seaweed salads.
I loathe the color orange and green.
My pen is the barrel of my gun.

My son is the only man I'm not afraid of.
I like road trips.
I have nightmares that trigger insomnia, regularly.

I have this insane fear of letting someone inside my emotions, I want them there.

I just don't think they realize that I'm a anti-commitment freak.

against my better judgment.

I have midget feet.
I miss highschool.
I am not the prettiest girl in the room, and I'm okay with that..
I usually have no idea what the date is.
I love herbal tea.
I loathe going to the movies.
I don't give very good advice, I tend to complicate my own life so I don't bother,

but I'm awesome at listening.
I sing- and it sounds terrible. But I love it.
I make up words sometimes.
Diet Mountain Dew is amazing.
I love art.
I love the artist.
I am passive aggressive.
You forget, I pathetically remember.
I love the summer and hate the smell of sunblock.
I love pasta and bread.
I don't eat the noodles in my soup.
I find something strangely attractive about Conner Shaw's eyes.
I think I would like to live in the city once.

My daughter is gorgeous.
My favorite color is pink.
I enjoy cuddling. I just don't say it.
I'll say I am spontaneous.
I don't wear make-up as much as I probably should
My room gets messy really fast.
I don't like thunderstorms, even when I am dry, and inside.
I am an aggressive driver.
I am actually extremely careless all together on a bad day.
I bruise really really easily.
I read way too much.
I wonder why everything is how it is. Everyday.
I bake very, very seldom.
We lost each other because of difference of opinion and morals.
I write, but I doubt anyone will take the time to read.
All I can do is be me, whoever that is

Hello Operator.. Can you give me # 9?

Strikeout if you have done it. Bold if you would like to do it.

1. Attend at least one major sporting event: the Super Bowl, the Olympics, the U.S. Open.
2. Throw a huge party and invite every one of your friends.
3. Swim with a dolphin.
4. Skydive.
5. Have your portrait painted.
6. Learn to speak a foreign language.
7. Go skinny-dipping at midnight in the south of France.
8. Watch the launch of a space shuttle.
9. Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty.
10. Talk to an old friend, rekindle an old flame.
11. Tell someone the story of your life, sparing no details.
12. Make love on the forest floor.
13. Make love on a train.
14. Learn to rollerblade.
15. Own a room with a view.
16. Brew your own beer.
17. Learn how to take a compliment.
18. Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away.
19. Grow a beard and leave it for at least a month. *pass*
20. Give your mother a dozen red roses and tell her you love her.
21. Sing carelessly in front of a group of friends who will laugh regardless.
22. Put your name down to be a passenger on the first tourist shuttle to the moon.
23. Send a message in a bottle.
24. Ride a camel into the desert.
25. Get to know your neighbors.
26. Plant a tree.
27. Learn not to say yes when you really mean no.
28. Write a fan letter to your all-time favorite hero or heroine.
29. Visit the Senate and the House of Representatives to see how Congress really works.
30. Learn to ballroom dance properly.
31. Eat jellied eels from a stall in London.
32. Be the boss.
33. Fall deeply in love--helplessly and unconditionally.
34. Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia.
35. Sit on a jury.
36. Write the novel you know you have inside you.
37. Go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe.
38. Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home (just once).
39. Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich.
40. Be someone's mentor.
41. Shower in a waterfall.
42. Hold the hand of a stranger during a happy time.44. Teach someone illiterate to read.
45. Be one of the first to take a flight on the new Airbus A380.
46. Spend a night in a haunted house--by yourself.
47. Write down your personal mission statement, follow it, and revise it from time to time.
48. See a lunar eclipse.
49. Spend New Year's in an exotic location.
50. Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it, instead of just thinking about it.

It's my heart, not your thingy...

All of us experience change in our lives. Change is the one constant in our lives. There are changes that we look forward to and change that we fear. However, one thing is for sure. Things will not stay the same no matter how much we would like them too. When a life change occurs, we have two choices in how to respond. We can despair that a change has come and assume that things will be worse, or we can look with excitement at the new possibilities that the change presents.


♠Fear is a part of life. It is part of the range of feelings that humans experience on a daily basis. In our culture, fear has come to be experienced as negative. However, the truth is that fear is a perfectly normal feeling to experience and we would all feel a lot better if we simply allowed ourselves to feel it fully. If we do not we will have somatic symptoms of fear that are much more painful than simply allowing the feeling to be felt.


♠It has been said that life is the most patient teacher. You will be presented with the same experience over and over until you learn the best way to deal with the situation.. This is not because life is cruel. Rather, it is because things have a way of coming back to haunt us when we don't deal with them.



♠Sports are complex in that they are a way to escape our lives as well as a way to look at our lives in a clearer way. In the world of sports the line of victory and defeat is quite clear. There is no question of what team you are on or what position you play within the team. These things are not always clear in real life.


♠It is the thesis of the great psychoanalyst Victor Frankl that man can endure any hardship as long as he can find meaning in the experience. Incidentally, as a survivor of Nazi Concentration Camps he was in a position to know. Thankfully, most of us are not tested in such extreme conditions. However, the principle is the same. Human beings cannot live without meaning.


♠A love poem will not always be long and flowery. Sometimes what you need to say can be very short. In fact it may be the fact that the poem is short that makes it special. Its short length may show that you put the time and effort in to make every word count. You considered carefully every word choice. Every word choice has a reason behind it.

♠If you've ever been alone, it seems like everybody's got someone but you. When you can share your life with another, the whole world is completely different. Everything is better when have the privilege to love and be loved by another. This experience is unique.


♠A relationship is a connection between two individuals. When two people fall in love it has become a loving relationship. The relationship has moved from two people simply in contact with each other to two people who can't get enough of each other. A loving relationship may build slowly like a train coming in the distance until when it get to you it emits a deafening roar. Or you may be two people totally oblivious to the relationship that is developing when suddenly you are hit with the realization that you have fallen in love. People are complex and love develops in different ways.


♠What is courage? What defines a courageous act? It is said that the brave and cowardly person are both fearful. However, it is the brave one who faces his fear and does what needs to be done. We will be faced with many things that scare us throughout our lives. How can we become the kind of people that face our fear and do it anyway? Human growth takes place when we take small steps. Each time we face our fears we become more courageous.


♠If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.  Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.  Your children tell you casually years later what it would have killed you with worry to know at the time. You will always be your child's favorite toy.  Never raise your hand to your kids.  It leaves your groin unprotected.  There are no illegitimate children - only illegitimate parents. It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it.


♠The phrase "working mother" is redundant. A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands.  But a mother's love endures through all.

What up, bruh!? :)

This year has definitely had some surprises to it has it not? Although, it has been wonderfully detailed in every imperfect way possible. Struggles, hurdles, lessons, and laughter have been the doom and incline for the entire year. They say that if you cannot laugh at yourself, you'd better learn, or someone else will learn you by doing it for you. I guess that is true. . . In more ways than we would like to believe.

This entire year feels as though it has been one too many learning experiences, one right after the other. Things like child rearing, finances, and home to work ratios have proven to me, that no matter what I face, there will always be another hurdle - standing there waiting, maybe not as soon as I regroup my footing, but usually shortly there after.

My kids and I managed another year without any mass casualties in temper tantrum related functions, thus far.. However, if I learn who taught my daughter to slam a door in my face, there shall be one of my infamous "Come to Jesus Meetings" taking place. Aidan, on the other hand, is just as tough as nails, and by far one of the largest hearted and most caring little fellows, I have had the pleasure of encountering. This leads me into the next big announcement!

**Note** The following verbal spill will also launch with the "Official" opening of the new blog for mother's that will make it's debut on January 2, 2013, and I am trying so hard to be patient enough to let the roll out be a surprise, but, I am extremely ecstatic over this blog launch! Through the past "almost" eight years, I've written down small lessons learned, memories captured, and moments that were simply irreplaceable to me, sort of an out of the mouth of babes, documentary, that has made every moment complete in determining our character and outlook on life. The following is an excerpt from the January 2 release, and I thought, maybe I should go ahead and take the time to share a little, since, after all, my wall has sort of becoming a place to document some of the emotional and spoken craziness that my children have allowed me to experience.

We all know as mothers that there is a FINE line that is drawn as to where the lives of your children end and your own personal lives begin. Sometimes that line is incredibly thin and tinted to match the pavement or gravel road we are walking along, we all understand. The key is to always embrace the raising and to never throw yourselves entirely in so far that you’re lost with no way back, or, that is what the books say anyway.

Side Note: Throw the books out. There isn’t ONE single book on parenting, child rearing, or on maintaining your sanity that will actually allow you to feel like you’re doing your job as a parent, because I promise you, that moment when you realize that all the other mothers actually cook breakfast every morning, and you’re in the gas station, like clock-work mind you – since everyone knows you’re always running late anyway – buying honey buns and powered doughnuts and running back to the car giving the “Eat up! Six minutes until we’re there!” speech… You’ll understand that they have one of two things going for them. A.) They’ve got a husband at home, and that he has never been introduced to Facebook or to the TV remote  …. or B) The other mother’s are obviously using microwave bacon, because seriously, have you tried feeding four people with one pack of bacon cooked on the griddle? It’s not physically possible, no, not even if you cut it… Not if you’re trying to wake up two sleeping babies and dress them for school and feed them and make them do chores and double check homework folders, and
“Hey, SHOES on!” and did you see the car keys?, “hey where’s the milk? Your room!? What?!” “Empty the dryer does not mean put it back in the laundry basket” “SHOES!” “Keys?” “there goes the bussssss again” “I found the keys! Cranking the car! Three minutes until rollout!” “We’re late” … where is my phone! “I SAID SHOES!” Leaving, let’s go! “WHERE are your shoes!” … make it to the end of the ridiculously long driveway, “Did you seriously forget your backpack?”…. it simply cannot be done on a daily basis, because June Cleaver was a fictional character, period… and if you think you can, we can set up a time and place for you to meet my kids. ;)

This entire year has been about relearning myself, throwing myself back into a 9-5 (well, technically 7-5) and hoping that I could balance college and a relationship, all while placing my maternal duties on top of everything else along the way. I am not saying it was easy and I will not say that it was incredibly complicated either. I will however, stand up and applaud any mother who wants to give it all a go ahead as I have done. I mean, knock it out of the park, right Mom?

Pfft. My sanity maybe.

I’ll share with you a few things I learned, grab a seat - or a pillow - whatever looks safer, however, be prepared, some of these even slapped me in the face.

-         IF you set the coffee pot to perk at 4 A.M. and it has an automatic off for two hours later, and you figure out where the snooze button is on the same morning, don’t set the coffee pot for the next morning. Somehow, you won’t put the pot  back in just right, and when you run out THINKING that you’re late, based of the events of the prior morning, YOU WILL slip, YOU WILL fall, and you will wake everyone else in the house up with language that you make up. Just, trust me, it was horrible.
-         Breakfast for 6 kids is possible in 10 minutes. It’s called Fruity Pebbles and Toaster Strudels. Provided that that toaster works. Apparently the word “toaster” does not mean “substitution available for microwave use if your eyelids are too heavy to locate the toaster cord” … Dually noted, but I did love that plate.
-         It does not matter how many boys or how many girls you have to dress for school, there will always be the two following characters –giggles and groggies- I’m a giggle fan, my kids are groggies fans – but only on days when I want to be a groggies fan, and it somehow, becomes miserable in a flash, yet, there is NOTHING that happens in the morning, that ice water to a sleeping head will not cure. Nothing.
-         You can be early.
-         You can be early, but you will always forget something, and it is usually something important, like snack.
-         People without kids, do not understand and will not understand – so don’t bother explaining – how your washing machine is never empty, your sink is usually half full, and your backseat looks like a cross between El Nino and Katrina bred and had 4 dozen storms of fury take place in your backseat. Just give up and offer them a gummy worm.
-         Once you make it to work, you are not in kakhi’s? How is that possible? Oh, the dog, the chocolate and peanut butter hands of kids enjoying waffles (which by the way, CAN totally be cooked in the microwave, in case you wondered) and… did the kid seriously put a footprint in my seat and I was supposed to walk around with little Nike treks on my tush all day? No thank you. Jeans it is. Come to terms with it now, spare yourself the heartache.
-         All day long, you’re going to remember half the stuff on the to-do-list that you left on the table the night before, and you’ll probably accomplish ONE or two of them. Usually one. Again, just come to terms with it.
-         The best thing about online schooling? Your professors can’t see you. Yes you, with your crazy looking hair, overstretched and stained t-shirt with the chocolate and peanut butter handprints on your gym shorts, puh lease, I scare me sometimes .. Don’t act like you’ve never had the “Mommy needs a shower” look going on, whatever. ;)
-          Let's talk employers, shall we? We've all had him. That boss, that "sort of" had kids because he dated a girl who had one or two? The one who, tries to understand, and always end up looking at you like you're absolutely nuts when you seriously mean that you need the last Friday of the month off (which in the sales world, is a no-no, by the way. . . sort of that look like you just mentioned you wanted to inject his veins with a radio active material... I just asked for Friday man, I mean, you want to let me take Monday instead, I didn't think so.
-          Did you know, that if you empty glow sticks into a bathtub of water, you can occupy two sick children long enough to drink an entire cup of coffee without persistent interruptions.


And there you have it. The first two hours of my chaotically beautiful and amazingly  uninteresting life. Welcome to it ladies. The deeper the mind searches for the complications, the more apt you are to find them. ;)
 


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