*like dayum baby, dayum baby, dayuuummm*

** Now seeking : Part - Time Boyfriend -- See Below for Details **

Exclusionary Information -- PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!
Please do not bother submitting this form if any of the following apply to you:

- You are currently unemployed or working part time under the table
- You haven't traced your family tree
- You live with your parents
- You find it acceptable to phone past  11 P.M. and before 5 A.M.
- You are currently discussing a relationship with any  other female
- You have a spouse or a significant other
- You do not have a car
- You have no patience with children
- You cannot tolerate sarcasm or mood swings
- You have man mood swings w/ the inability to control them by being quite and not bitching
- You are located primarily more than 20 miles outside of Andalusia, Alabama
- You have any form of an uncurable STD -- or any form of STD in the past
- You don't believe in time travel or chivalry
- You have a criminal history or drug addition, be it now or in the past
- You have dated one of my friends
*** Friends are defined as people I actually like hanging out with and haven't blatantly lied to my face at any point in the past.

Section One: Contact Information
Full Name:
Address:
Phone Number:
Email:

Section Two: Employment and Education
What is your job title?:
In your own words, describe  your job.:
Where is your office located?:
What days a week do you work?:
How many hours a week do you work?:
Do you currently have a college degree?:
If no, why not?:

Section Three: Cleanliness Habits
How many days is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink?:
How many times a month do you vacuum?:
How many times a month do you do laundry?:
How many times a week do you shower?:
When you shave, do you immediately clean up the little hairs and/or tub?:
Is next to the bed an acceptable place to put your clothes before you go to sleep?:

Section Four: Family
How many times a month do you see your parents?:
Do you have any siblings?:
If yes, how many times a month do you see your siblings?:
Does your family have any deep, dark, secrets that weigh on your soul?:
If yes, are you currently in therapy?:

Section Five: Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
If you were living with me, how many times a week should be having sex?:
Please provide, in detail, the most exciting sexual activity of your life thus far:
How often do you drink?:
Are you a smoker?:
If yes, how many packs a week?:
Are you currently addicted to anything?:
What are your five favorite bands?:
What are your five favorite songs?:
Tell me, in detail, about your favorite musical memory:

Section Six: Free Form Essay
This section provides an essay question for me to get a sense of the kind of person you are, as well as your writing ability. This can be done as an attachment if necessary. Please answer both questions:
Why did your last relationship end? Be honest, it's a small town!:
What is your survival plan for the impending zombie apocalypse? Please stop here if sacrificing the children is on your agenda. :

Section Seven: Qualifications
This section consists of yes or no questions. There are no correct answers, but please, due to the leanancy of this portion, be entirely honest with your answers.
Do you smack when you eat?
Do you end your relationships on good terms?
Do you watch Nascar?
College Football?
Professional Football?
Do you know how to be quite when the game is on?
Do you  snore?
If I ask you what is wrong, will you not be a woman about it, and just tell me what it is?
Are you easily distracted by shiny things?

Section Eight: FreeStyle
List any qualifications  you  possess that you feel make you the proper fit for the listed position, you are allowed four sentences to complete this task. :





Section Nine: References
Please provide six references. Three of them must be verifiable ex-girlfriends, the other two may not be family members, and I'll need the last one to be your high school principal. Include contact information for them including but not limited to: Email, phone number, and Facebook page.

Thank you, and if you have any questions, don’t bother contacting me because that will also exclude you. Have a great day!

I like the way you work it!

OH  PLEASE LET US GET CAUGHT UP AT WORK!
This body of mine is give slam out! I've never had to push this hard to keep going! smh.
One more day. One more day.

I needed this today, maybe some of  you did  too. :)


Saliva -- CLICK CLICK BOOM

Tracy Chapman -- Fast Car

Konata Carter -- NEVER BACK DOWN ( a single mother's anthem)

P!nk -- DON'T LET ME GET ME

Blackstreet -- No Diggity

and of course ...

Fuel -- BAD DAY

Women like you make me sick . . .

You my dear, are the sole reason that men are repulsed and overly eager to push women like me to the side.

Don't assume the world owes you a damned thing. You didn't work for what you've got, well, you may have, but not in the same sense that I've worked  for the things I have. You have a child for Heaven's sake. Cowgirl UP. Grab those reigns and get ready sister. Life isn't going to hand you a single thing. Luck isn't going to place anything into your lap. Karma isn't going to come back around on you for being a gold digging moron. You'll find in this life that the harder you work for the things you want, the more you'll achieve. Don't believe me? Try it.

The fact that you assume yourself to be in a position of earning so completely the inheritance of the fortunes of hard working men goes to prove how immature and irresponsible your mind actually functions in accordance to your age level. Show some self-respect. How about instead of sitting around waiting for the perfect chance to shake your ass and make  us all look bad  you try actually displaying a little class and half wit rather than the ghetto street smart act you've failed to pull off. If I can see through you, one day  a man will too, and that fall honey, it's going to hurt.

Ladies, let there be lessons in the moral standards around you. Don't fall to a level of Grace that is insuperior to your own being. Get on a higher level, fix yourselves, get your mind and finances right and then patiently wait for the perfect man to come along and respect your  independence. It is so much more becoming and worthwhile... Stop making us all look bad. I'm pretty  sure we're all old enough to realize that fairy tales and prince charming are what we make of them, not the text book definition. Get a grip on reality.

A13 is her favorite song...

As a parent there are certain things that just cause me to cringe up and freeze. As an adult it makes me want to grab the other parent by the shoulders and shake them until they come to their senses. Yet, as a mother, it opens my heart to the children in their path.

I know how I was raised. I had my mouth washed out with soap, I was reared with a belt, my parents raised their voices to get my attention, I did not interrupt conversations solely for the sheer purpose of respect to my elders. I was given chores to do, I had curfews, I had responsibilities as the oldest child, we did yard work with my parents, homework was an understanding. I attended family functions, had things taken away if I misbehaved, stood in corners, didn't slam doors or stomp when I was angry. As a matter of fact, I knew better than to let my parents know I was upset with their verdicts. Respect. Genuine respect, force driven by fear.

Yes. I said it. Fear.

I was horribly afraid of my parents. Not in a whole "GOOD HEAVENS, it's Hannibal Lecter!" way. No, No. I was afraid of that belt. I was afraid of mother reaching across the dinner table in front of our friends and loved ones and slapping me in the back of the head for smacking. I was afraid of my father's deep bass tone when he finally broke calm temperament and "lost his cool" with us. I was afraid of the rate of speed in which my grandmothers could chase us down with those wooden spoons. I knew that if I didn't want my ass red and burning from my misbehaved self inflicted storm of misery, to sit my ass down and to be seen and not heard when the adults were conversating or when it was not my time to speak.

It was also because of this reason that my generation was not overweight, and we did not have chronic colds and days missed from school, and persistently over active parents in our lives. WE as children, entertained ourselves, outside - regardless of the temperatures. We also gave our parents spare time to themselves when we did this, which kept them from attempting to maintain a perfect grasp over ever little sniffle we had, and few and far between they came because we played with enough kids to maintain our immune systems. We stayed busy, stayed out of our parents hair, and in return, they didn't take us to the doctor every week. Simple.

We had time for home cooked meals, we had time for church on Sunday, and we had time for one another. It was okay to go to sleep with the windows wide open and the doors unlocked. Playing outside by ourselves wasn't dangerous. There weren't fabricated half ass entertaining shows on television about negligent parents letting their kids run wild or big fluffy rabbits cooking alone in the kitchen with no moral building story line. We said "Yes ma'am. No sir. Yes sir. No ma'am." out of respect for ourselves and others, every time we were spoken to. My mother DID not repeat herself. My father was a known presence in the room and corrected behavior with simply a look.

Isn't is insane how much times have changed in just the last twenty years?