Ssssomeetimeess, I get a good feeling ....

I have this desire to sit down, and literally bawl my eyes out somedays.

I'm far from alone. Wonderful children, darling friends, loving family, and an amazing group of supporters through work, I should consider myself the luckiest person in the world. Not everyone has these people in their lives, not as avidly as I do. I can't even begin to imagin this life without these people. It would be catastrophic and tragic.

Magical. Enchanting. Like a bad musical, with a perfect story line... It is mine.

He texted again yesterday. Just like he does everyday. I've gotten accustomed to them. Actually, grown quite fond of the "Bazinga" coming through at an odd evening moment, somehow always making me smile. Yesterday though, yesterday got me.

I've been battling this "lonely phase" for about a month now. It's beyond going out, it's beyond company from friends. It's slightly soothed by a movie with the children, which, RedBox is benefitting immensely from.... It's just, that time. It's time to try again.

That's why the conversation turn, took me for a turn.

"Aye my girl. Are you still awake?"

"Yes and no. What are you up to?"

"Just getting home. Feeling lonely!"

"Been like that the past few days. Kinda sucks a lil'. Did you have a good day?"

"Yea, good. At the new office, setting things up."

"Well good!"

"Still, lonely though. lol"

"Yes sir, very much so. You wouldn't believe how bad it's been kicking my ass."

"I can understand why."

Conversation faded with my use of vocabulary and his misunderstanding, thankfully.

The concept still remains.

All the physological research of the matter expresses, is finding contentment within yourself, only then can you be happy with another person - sweetly explained - we should be able to complete ourselves and not be dependant upon others. . .

Have you ever seen a puppy or a bunny playing with playmates?
Once they're isolated from the other, even though they don't mate, they become secluded within their own settings, to people and to other animals.

I'm not comparing myself to a dog or a bunny. I'm just saying, I think it's in our nature to enjoy the company of others, especially once we grow accustomed to regular intervals of interactions. I think it's possible that it may have the same psychological effect on us as it does on them.

In the mean time, I'll keep my ears in my music and my hands busy with my writing, I'm just ready to shake this down-n-out emotion. It's too much for me.

It's a Bucket List Summer...

It's been a crazy month and a half.

Crazy and educational and emotional. So complex that it has actually been simple.

Sweet summertime. Heat. Sunshine. Water. Coolers. Swimsuits. Giggles. Sleepovers. Creeks. Camping trips. Smiles. Splashes. Changes. Evolution of Characters and Faces. Growing. Music. Family Time. Road Trips. Work. Cutting Ties. Letting go. Holding on. Starting Fresh. Movies. Babies. Life. Beautiful.

I've watched my children more closely than usual the last two months. Spent more time working one on one with them and their behavior and character development. It is scary, that two of the most talented and beautiful spirits I've ever known, are being molded by someone as free spirited and stubborn as myself. It's even scarier seeing their changes take such an amazing path in the direction of free spirits. Driven and strong willed. Positive and naive all at once.

My daughter reminded me a week or so ago that she would be nine in January and that my job would be halfway done, she was halfway to nineteen. As any mother would do, I reminded her that my job would never be done. I was right, I know. It's just her face when she oversteps her boundaries as a child, taking on adult concerns, that worries me. It only worries me because I know she worries as a result. It does however, let me know that she is entirely capable of comprehension and organization in her mind. She's very driven to better herself and much more so to better the attitudes of those around her. I see so much of myself in her, that sometimes, it's hard to distinguish where I end emotionally and where she begins. I'm still, per say, learning to let go - in a sense.

My son has taken on a personality all his own. It's been absolutely amazing watching his interests develop and shine through. All boy. All outside the box. Bugs, knives, outdoorsy, tempting fate with random stunts, sweaty and active. He's 100% testosterone and 100% mommies boy. I've never seen a seven year old boy so tender-hearted and giving. Full of concern for everyone around him. Well, except for his sister when she drinks his Dr. Peppers. That's a whole 'nother ball game for that little fellow. His current obsession with his love for Alabama football and his torn attachment to his Uncle's Auburn hat has proven to be a trial over the last 24 hours. I just keep telling myself he'll out grow it. He's adopted a pet turtle and named it Jordan. What type of turtle hisses at sounds? I'm almost positive his fear of this new attraction will fade, preferably before he gets his finger bit off. ;)

This mom is still mom. She still works too much, over analyzes too often, and relaxes too little. After all, they'll be time for that down the road, right?

Stay tuned, we're making memories this summer. Some pretty darned good ones at that. ;)