... is that they are oversimplifications, an attempt to put rules and feelings and words on lessons that are specific to each individual, they're really only available to us each as we go along, and by the time we realize them, it is usually too late to make that one experience more profound than any other experience.
Sometimes, I wish we all stayed as innocent and reliable as a child. Rare form. They use their actions and words to have fun, not to process or impress other adults, just to grin and giggle their way through their own days.
I still feel like no matter what I do, what I accomplish, or process, or overcome, life is going to continually be itself and as a result of the crazy hormonally driven instincts it carries, I will continually be left standing on my head at the end of every day. There are no best ways to complete my tasks, only alternatives, none more sensible than the other.
Namely relationships.
They are something exhausting and so much more a matter of expending the energy to keep people out rather than letting them in. Over-analyzing every single detail because that's just what I do. Mentally running through every aspect of the moments enclosed and blocking up a wall because I don't think I can take anymore disappointments or walk aways.
Think about it. How do you keep people out? What are you doing with your eyes? Your words? Are you letting their voice and tone touch you until you feel the sincerity in it or are you only hearing it? Are you using your eyes to see this person and glance into their capabilities as a human and a companion or are you only using your eyes to look them in the eye?
If we seek no imperfections then none are to be seen, but is the effort of flattery not to keep the other person at a distance?
How can there possibly be this much confusion and halting in my mind with a sunset like there was tonight? Why do I want to freeze opening up again when everything else feels right by being allowed to be myself? Why in the hell am I still trying to reform my own emotions?
Increased awareness is increased awarenesses, is it not?
